Paddlebrains

From Protectors of the Plot Continuum

Paddlebrains
Agent Paddlebrains
Name:	Paddlebrains
Age:	Twentysomething
Species:	Human, mostly
Home Continuum:	Potterverse
Department:	DBS
Division:	Freelance
Response Center:	45
Partner:	Agent Trojanhorse
Fandom(s):	LotR, HP, SG:A
Lust-object(s):	The Tenth Doctor
Favorite(s):	R/S, nicotine
Weapon(s):	Boosted cigarette lighter, OED

[edit] Biography

Paddlebrains first registered on the PPC radar when drawing the attention of the Department of Bad Slash to a Real Person Slash travesty involving a third-wave emo band in a very compromising situation (read it here [1] - LiveJournal may not let you read it if you are underage, in which case, log out and try again. Please only do this if you are over, say, 16, and squick-resistant). In revenge for this atrocity, Paddlebrains was dragged forcibly into the largest single exorcism/assassination ever undertaken by the DBS - that of the Land Before Time (see Land Before Time: Littlefoot x Cera). She subsequently latched onto Agent Trojanhorse, and is currently turning a corner of RC# 45 into an ashtray while being subjected to Legendary Badfic. She has flashbacks to C*l*br**n at inappropriate moments, and an incurably filthy mind. She suffers from a beard fetish, thanks to overexposure to Commander Riker in her youth.

Paddlebrains is a Potterverse Animagus, and technically the warped, female reincarnation of Sirius Black, as the result of some very odd online RPing during which 'Padfoot' became 'Paddlebrains'. She can turn into a large, scruffy, smelly, dribbly black dog at will. Because the roleplay was heavily biased towards Sirius/Remus Lupin slash, Paddlebrains has a werewolf fixation.

She is known to have filched boots and other footwear from Discworld canon characters.

In February 2008 HST, Paddlebrains learned the horrifying truth that Gillyweed is not hallucinogenic. Unwilling to accept the lack of mind-altering experiences thus available in HQ, she began devoting much of her downtime to the Quest for the Sentient Cannabis Plant. So far, all she has been able to discover are Glodstoppers - a dangerous mix of subtances that cause the user to see God and then fall over. Needless to say, her partner is a highly unwilling participant in this Quest.

[edit] Missions and Timeline

January 2008 HST

Draws the attention of Agent Trojie to "Rhymes With Bang Bang Sob".

Mission One: a training mission with Agent Gypsy

Mission Two: Paddlebrains is stampeded and thus recruited to aid in the destruction of Land Before Time: Littlefoot x Cera

February 2008 HST

Is partnered with Agent Trojanhorse, who eases her in "gently" with the MSTing of a particularly disturbing H/D badslash.

Mission Three: To The Moon - affectionately known as Paedo!Harry.

Begins the Quest for the Sentient Cannabis Plant.

Mission Four: A Promise to be Kept. Nameless Cat adopted.

March 2008 HST

Mission Five: Out in the Rain. Paddlebrains is infected by Trojie's Discworld kleptomania, and returns with the Boots of Truth and the Boots of Justice

Mission Six: LxC: The DinoSue Strikes Back. LBTwriter churns out another chapter of biologically inaccurate dino-porn, Paddlebrains plays with explosives, and Trojie plays vivisectionist.

April 2008 HST

Mission Seven: Pain - Childe Elrond gets preggers by an Orc. Trojie threatens to horribly maim anyone and everyone within reach in the event of further subjection to mpreg

Begins the wooing of her partner.

Mission Eight: LxC: Return of the DinoSue

May 2008 HST

Mission Nine: Fun in Buckland. Which transpires to be neither fun nor worksafe.

Mission Ten: Pathways (unreleased).

June 2008 HST

Mission Eleven: Manhood (unreleased).

July 2008 HST

Mission Twelve: The Phantom DinoSue.

Mission Thirteen: Midnight Visitor. Pevensies are violated. Incestuously. Without lube, obviously.